Why soft power gets better results

There was a man face-down and drooling on the sidewalk. Two men stood over him.

I kept walking and tried not to stare. 

In San Francisco, this scene is just part of the backdrop. Yes, it’s a problem. But it also makes me proud to live here. 

Not because of the unconscious man on the sidewalk. Because of the two men standing over him. 

They were members of Downtown Streets Team, an organization that gives people experiencing housing insecurity a path out of homelessness. They had probably already administered the Naloxone. Now they were staying to make sure he was safe until the EMTs showed up. 

To make sure no one tripped over him. To make sure no one stepped on his fingers.

Some jobs regularly deal with people on their worst day. Cops, EMTs, social workers, and volunteers regularly show up for people who are at their worst - scared, angry, delusional, or down-and-out. 

What strikes me about seeing these people work is how they respond to chaos with dignity and respect. The imbalance is clear: one person has structure, authority, or resources, while the other is in a moment of vulnerability.

It takes strength to show calm, respect, and humanity to someone who isn’t giving it back or "did this to themselves." It takes discipline to hold space and structure until order is restored.

Other jobs mirror this dynamic in the workplace. Maybe not with life-and-death stakes, but with people on their worst day. The people who are called in to deal with someone buckling under stress, failure, or accountability gaps.

In this situation, there are two ways you can wield power:

💪 By doubling down on authority and control - Pushing the person down, which usually just makes them dig in harder.

🫴 By handing some of that power to the other person, giving them a chance to be heard and an opportunity to rise into mutual respect.

Watch any professional dealing with someone in crisis and you’ll see:

🪏 Hard power escalates and entrenches, keeping every interaction adversarial.

🤝 Soft power de-escalates and opens the door up to resolution.

It takes real power to give some of it away. To help the other person stand back up and walk out of the situation with dignity intact.

Want your HR team to help your employees when they're down and out rather than just walking by? We should talk.

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