Should we prioritize authenticity or privacy at work?

I got pulled into an HR thing recently. I usually try to stay in the “Ops” end of PeopleOps, but every so often there’s nowhere to hide and I get pulled into people issues. 

This one involved marginalized identities, political opinions, and business decisions. 

Someone had taken a principled stance, and we needed to respond. Their intentions were good, their concerns were valid, but it was quite literally none of our business. 

When cornered by ambiguity, I tend to fall back on hyper-rationalization. As we were winding down the call, I said, “What gets me...” then mentioned the poignant irony of why I expected this person to be more sympathetic to the alternative view and understand why the business couldn't get involved.

Then something else unexpected happened. The leader started to cry.

I knew he was a member of a marginalized group who had been swept up in a political 💩 storm, but I didn’t know how it had affected him. His friends. His community. His toddler son. 

By the time we brought in the employee to discuss the business’s decision, eyes were dry and he was back on an even keel. We acknowledged the employee’s concerns, thanked them for speaking out, and explained our decision in neutral terms. 

That's what leadership looks like: Putting aside your own experiences and recognizing when it isn't about you. 

Because, as we explained in that meeting, bias has no place in the workplace.

We often talk about “bringing your whole self to work” like it's a virtue, but sometimes there are parts of yourself that shouldn’t be invited to the table. 

You can also decide what you DON'T bring to work.

If you don’t think that gay people should get married, you shouldn’t work at the marriage license counter in City Hall.

If you’re going through financial hardship, that shouldn’t affect how you count cash as a bank teller. 

If you’re the class clown, you shouldn’t crack jokes while you’re laying someone off.

A mammogram is no time to tell your patient that you like boobies.

My client’s leadership reminded me that there are situations where parts of your identity simply aren’t relevant. Privacy is part of authenticity. Recognizing when someone else’s experience takes precedent is part of leadership.

Krista Lane, AnnE Diemer, and I talk about the limits of “authenticity” in our first episode of HR Peep Show. Give it a listen at the link down there. 👇

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